5 possible issues that lead to conflicts in relationships

While it's always possible to work on bad habits, keep in mind that some issues can get worse with time, and especially if they're turning into a pattern. Conflicts can arise in any kind of relationship. You both have the right to view things differently and to express it without hurting the other one. According to Burns, there are always rewards to the ‘problems’ in your relationship, which means that they aren’t really problems. Too often communicating in the relationship means argument, this causes tension and as a result, communication is avoided completely. Labelling someone as inferior or defective has the advantage of giving us a clear, if inaccurate, explanation for all our relationship problems. Assuming that you are prepared and educated to solve all of the problems that come your way is wrong.You and your partner … 10 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts These research-backed tips can make your conflict discussions more constructive. ‘When we are annoyed with someone, we flood our minds with negative thoughts that may seem valid at that moment, but that inevitably contain errors,’ says Burns. Conflict does not mean your relationship is a failure. Also, conflict does not mean you can't be happy. High School. Realism divides into three parts: classical realism, neo-realism and neo-classical realism. ‘Sometimes we just don’t want to get close to the person we’re at odds with,’ says Burns. Join now. Ultimately, you need to ask yourself, “What do I want more: the rewards of battle or the rewards of a close, loving relationship?”’. When family members become entrenched and constructive dialogue isn’t possible, an objective expert who is trained to help resolve conflict can help cut through the emotions and focus on issues. Healthy relationships grow and mature through conflict. All couples generally fight over the same five things: money, sex, work, parenting and housework. SHARE. Conflict at work, conflict within close relationships and political conflict all carry similar features. My advice to you is that when a conflict begins to affect you mentally or emotionally, seek professional help. Then we reinforce it by repeating such statements to others – and, like a good gossip, it is a process we often secretly enjoy. If you agree with it, you prove it wrong.’ For example, if our partner claims, ‘You never listen to me’ and we respond with, ‘You may be right about that,’ we are already proving that we are listening to them. However, what needs to be worked on is finding common ground. Over time, if a person continues to NOT feel listened to by […] What I need is for him to admit how self-centred he is.’, He believes this ‘joy in hostility’ is rooted in the animal side of human nature we seek to suppress. If your list is more 50-50, it’s really tempting to want the other person to shoulder half the blame. Many times people focus on the surface of the problem not the cause of it. Before you try to fix a conflict you need to find the root cause of it. However, that takes lots of energy, and as a result, we’re not much fun to be around, says Burns. Instead of arguing, criticising or ignoring each other, you could just get on with being happy together. But there will always be evidence to support exactly the opposite statement. But if you want a better relationship, says Burns, you must concentrate solely on changing yourself. We’re all different! Occasional conflict is part of family life. 6 issues for just £15! Of the 12 motivations for conflict, this is the hardest to face up to, says Burns. This page explores some of the issues connected with conflict within relationships, and discusses some of the skills required to avoid, manage and move on from it, to make your relationship stronger, and hopefully help it to last longer. Communication is the method of getting it out there. Health. Many people do not consider their life stages when it comes to a relationship. WARNING! What is your hidden agenda? ‘Everyone wants to win,’ says Burns. If we shoulder all the blame in our relationship, we are, in fact, rewarded, because we are preventing the other person from criticising us – because we’ve got in first. Think of someone you don’t get along with. But beyond that, when they have that kind of conflict, both people participate in the building of a larger and larger relationship, a relationship bigger than either of their lives. ‘It doesn’t make us happy – it just gives us a sense of righteousness. Relationships are made up of two people with different values and often different personalities. Weekly inspiration, tips, and advice from the best experts in the world on creating the life you really want, Confrontation: How to stick up for yourself. Personality Clashes. Why? This was a big one for me. When I say "conflict", I mean disagreements or different points of view. ‘However, the desire to win only keeps the battle alive.’ After years in an unhappy, physically abusive relationship, Annemarie finally found the strength to leave her husband, Phil – only to go back to him a week later. How many times, in the heat of an argument, do we hear ourselves say, ‘It’s so unfair’, when what we mean is, ‘This isn’t what I want’? Posted Feb 25, 2016 . Accordingly, it’s often the easiest type of conflict to resolve. If someone doesn’t meet our expectations, we feel we have every right to punish them. Matty is a Fashion and Beauty Consultant. Although a little self-absorption is acceptable, if we find ourselves becoming enraged at the slightest hint of criticism and flying off the handle, we are succumbing to the seductive power of narcissism. The warring parties provide each other intolerable conditions of existence, take part in various conspiracies. You may need someone to see the conflict from another perspective. Burns suggests trying a disarming technique called the law of opposites: ‘When you try to defend yourself from a criticism that is irrational or unfair, you instantly prove it to be valid. In some instances, marriage issues occur simply because both spouses have outgrown each other and want more out of life from someone else. Healthy relationships grow and mature through conflict. 1. Assuming that you are prepared and educated to solve all of the problems that come your way is wrong.You and your partner can both benefit from the help of a therapist or a relationship coach. ‘I’m still competitive,’ she says, ‘but not within my relationship. Also, conflict does not mean you can't be happy. With some the behaviours they demonstrate can be in direct conflict to your own. My husband’s my biggest fan – not my opponent.’. The ‘one-minute drill’ can help. The funny part of this is that when things do go right, that person claims responsibility right away. Relationship theory has been dominated by the premise that when we fight, it is because we lack the skills or insight required to resolve conflict. ‘Many couples I counsel aren’t interested in change,’ he claims. One partner accuses the other about everything that goes wrong or finds that he/she has a better way of doing things. Intimidation drives out intimacy, while empathy and respect encourage it. ‘It might be that you like things the way they are,’ he says, ‘but the price that you pay for not being honest is a lack of intimacy. Issue-based conflicts occur when the root cause is a disagreement about how to handle a problem at hand. The classical realists are more concerned with human nature. I grew up watching romantic movies and fairy tales that told me that somewhere existed a perfect man for me and that I would be happy. Life experiences taught me that you have to build the life and happiness you want. ‘They’re more interested in bashing each other’s heads in.’ The reason, he says, is that our ego competes with our ability to live harmoniously. Selfishness is number one on the list because when a person cannot respect the needs of others, it becomes impossible to have a healthy relationship. 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